In December 2018, I made the conscious choice to stop trying so hard to walk again. That decision took months of prayer and conversation, but since then, I have never looked back.
I did not believe I needed to talk to everyone about making that decision, however I couldn’t avoid it for too long.
Eventually people close to me would ask one of two questions: “Are you going to be able to walk again?” or “When are you going to walk again?”
At first I would answer like this: “I’m okay not walking again. I don’t need to walk again to have a great life.” Now I answer those questions. I state…
“I’m content not walking again.”
Since suffering a traumatic brain injury, resulting in becoming disabled, I gradually began struggling with reconciling God’s goodness in my sickness and my disability. I was becoming discontent.
While in counseling it became clear to me how the Apostle Paul said,
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Two Necessities For Contentment
I believe the Apostle Paul learned contentment through two fundamental realities to life as a Christian.
Knowing Personal Sin
The bad news is that all human beings sin, and human beings, left to its own desires, are evil in all circumstances (Romans 3:23, Genesis 6:5).
“No one is perfect.” True, but taking that one step further, no one can be or wants to be perfect.
We have to know that we have broken God’s commandments and we deserve punishment for doing so. Since God is the standard for what is good, and we hate goodness, we deserve judgement.
We deserve hell.
We deserve hell… but God intervened.
Knowing God’s Grace
But there is good news! God the Father sent Jesus into the world to do what we could not and did not want to do: Love and obey God perfectly.
There has been Someone perfect, and he took it one step further: he died on the cross for disobedient, sinful, and hateful people. This past Sunday was Easter where we got to hear God’s word preached and sing songs about how Jesus, the God-Man, resurrected from the grave and ascended back into heaven to be with his Heavenly Father.
We deserve hell, but God saves by his grace (undeserved favor) through faith in Jesus (Romans 3:24-26).
If we have faith in Jesus, we get what we do not deserve: God.
So… How Does That Make Us Content?
These truths make us content because knowing what we deserve (hell, eternity separated from God) and knowing what we receive in Jesus (grace, eternity with God) puts our pain, suffering, and trials in proper perspective.
Knowing that we are spared from hell and that we are given redemption and eternal peace with God frees us. It frees us from the darkness attached to suffering to experience the hope attached to Jesus in this life and our eternal life.
I’m okay with not walking again because Christ is sufficient and he will keep me in the faith until my last breath.
I have been disabled for four years. I am unable to walk on my own. I’m content with this. He has given me himself, which is far better than walking.
God is great, glorious, good, and gracious to me now and forevermore!
That’s why I’m okay not walking again.